trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
