from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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