was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
