do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
