You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
