non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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