a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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