Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Help. Why am I so naked?
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