The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
