wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
