i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
