found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize