Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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