you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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