I CAN MOONWALK!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
