what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Operation Purity has been aborted
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
