I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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