I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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