I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize