BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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