He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
