I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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