I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
