I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
