i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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