i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
