i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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