but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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