zippers are such a cool invention
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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