Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
