Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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