This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize