So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
