I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize