That's when you crack a 10am beer
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
