Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
