Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
