I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
this beer tastes like vomit already
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
