***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
