my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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