I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
