So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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