That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
this beer tastes like vomit already
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
