Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
