doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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