Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
