Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
