After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
