My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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