i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Randomize
