My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
