So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
