Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
