I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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