worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize