i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
