....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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