so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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