i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
