its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
