I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize