I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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