the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
operation have a gay friend backfired
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize