true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
