I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
