I'm so fucking centered right now
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
whose ass print is on the piano?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
