we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
