so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
