saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
