so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
