my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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