fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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