i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
be right there i have to get my cape
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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