new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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