I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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