I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
