you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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