I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Actions speak louder than pants.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
