i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
