Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
