Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
