what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
