When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
