He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
