my being single is dangerous.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
