this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
