She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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