You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
