Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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