Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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