'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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