Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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