I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
