At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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