yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
