im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
