This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
