Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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