You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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