Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
