i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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