Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
