her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
