if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
